My very own passion in life

After my confinement of 4 months and 10 days' period was over, I continued my Quranic language classes three days a week. At this point of time my mastery of the grammar has slightly advanced and the joy and passion for the subject has deepened. I just cannot begin to put into words the joy I feel each time I read any verse in the Holy Book. The ustaz who I am learning from is now spending more time doing analysing the sentence structures, delving into word nuisances, giving deeper and various shades of meanings of the verses in the Holy Book. Thats why I cannot begin to understand why some people for instance can say that verses 2:102, 3:31, and 12:4 could be used to charm the husbands when the real meanings have nothing to do with what it is said to be doing. Take for instance verse 3:31. In this verse Allah said to Prophet Mohammed, ' tell them oh Mohammed, if you love Allah, so you follow me, Allah will always love you and will always forgive all your sins and Allah is all Forgiving and all Loving.' So where is the meaning of God trying to tell women how to subjugate their husbands. I feel that The more I studied the more enlightened I am and yet I am fully aware of the fact that no human soul could or would possiblly be able to fully fathom Allah' real meanings of his Words in the Holy Book. Every letter, every word, every phrase and every verse is especially placed and arranged for reasons only He knows. We humans could only attempt to begin to understand rightly or wrongly. Thats the best we could ever attempt to do. The least that we humans could do is to master the basic grammar. Thats a big challenge already for anybody. To me, attempting to meet that basic challenge is already all consuming. That all consuming nature in the study of the Quranic language has had that calmimg effect on my griefs and loneliness for my beloved husband since his passing.  It acts like a balm to my grieving soul. Understanding the Al Quran and getting close to my Creator slowly has the effect of making me accept the reality of life and death. Never for a moment did I ever doubted Allah' s Will in this. At the same time I could neither deny my missing him so as well as the real aches I feel in my heart for him. But through my studying the Holy Book and understanding the message in it, the aches in my heart began to slowly heal. Now it gets better everyday. I sincerely thank Allah for His continious Guidance and not abandoning me during my moments of doubts and confusion.