Its January the 5th 2013, today. Its more than 2 years of my late husband's passing but everyday its like it was just yesterday. Everyday of my breathing moments since July 12th 2010, I remember my moments with him and I still miss him very much. No words could ever describe the depth of my loss of the person who had been there for me for the last 48 years of married life and 8 years of dating life. Its as though I have lived my whole life with him and we have over those years moulded together in one life. Now it is more evident than ever that I have become more and more like him in my daily habits.
In my recent visit to London in December to visit my granddaughter, Ayne, every where we went reminded of my previous visits with my beloved husband, the restaurants we ate at, the shops we bought things together, the theaters we went to all brought back happy memories. At the same time I could also sense my spontaneous need to let go in order to make life easier to bear and it helped somehow and made life more bearable.
Twice my granddaughters and I sang songs while walking back in the night and we each took turns to sing. I sang at first a Malay song, 'Di manakan ku cari ganti', (Where can I find a replacement), the song I sang in front of Agong during a Golf Tournament dinner at the Tropicana Club. My husband encouraged me to sing that song. So singing again the song while walking back by the Hyde Park in London, was choking hard at first but when I was into the song it became easier. That was a very famous Malay song sung by P.Ramlee. On our second night walk I sang 'When I fall in love' together with Ayne. It became easier. It was my husbands favorite song which he normally sang whenever he was asked to sing. He used to love all Nat King Cole's songs.
I am never really lonely. I am able to move on. He is and will always be with me. I can feel his presence everywhere and everytime, so how could I be lonely? Rest in peace my darling, may Allah forgive your sins, Gives you His Blessings and Love. Bye my Love, I am forever yours!