Need to have good sleep

Surviving the hot weather

For more than a week now the weather has been very warm. I can feel my skin burning when I am out in the open. Even in the car the air is warm even when the airconditioning is on. 

I feel there is a kind of restlessness when the air is like this. I cannot really rest in the afternoons. Trying to concentrate is very difficult.

I find that it helps when I have the curtains drawn and the windows closed, so the hot air is kept outside. Just have the fans on and just do easy chores. Wearing light clothings also help. And of course drink a lot of water and just stay indoors as much as possible.

I also just do light exercises such as stretching  and walking on the spot. If I do walking on the treadmill I find that I feel very tired after that. If I just do stretchings, I find that I feel more refreshed.

I also find that when I drink warm water rather than cold water, I find that I feel better after the drink. If I drink ice cold water  if I want to pacify my thirst, I find that  I feel a bit of discomfort after the drink and the discomfort remains for a long time. Warm lemon tea is the best of all drinks.

DILEMA OF OLD AGE

Growing old is both sad and happy but mostly sad I feel. There are so many things still that you feel you need and want to do, yet you know deep down that your have very limited time to do it. Reviewing the things that you had hoped to accomplish when you were younger, and realising that you have actually done very little, or some of it only, you cannot help but feel sad that you may not have the time anymore to do it.

For example, when I was younger, I had wanted to be a writer. I bought books on how to write. I used to do some writing on my own. Somehow it got subothaged and it did not take off at all. The yearning is still there but the will  is gone.

I remember also I wanted so much to do a patch-work bed cover. I used to collect bags full of material remnants planning  that one day I would get to it. I did partly and the rest never got done and recently I threw everything away and thats the end of that dream.

There are still so many books in the house  waiting to be read. I somehow could not find the time to attend to it and they never got read.

On the other hand, I found myself into studying Quranic Arabic and I became so consumed by it that I spend all my waking hours attending to it and I found so much joy out of it. Now I found there are still so much to learn about it to fully understand the real MEANINGS of The Book, and I fear that I may not have the time to accomplish it. The language is so beautiful that every time I read I see different meanings in the message. I wished I had started studying it much earlier when I was younger, when my mind was still very alert and concentration was optimum. I am very grateful to Allah for giving me the opportunity. Anyway no regrets here.

At peace with the world

I really feel good today, just follow the flow. I felt so sleepy after the early morning prayer at 6 am and went back to sleep. It was the most amazing deep sleep until 8 am, the time I thought I ordered breakfast. It was a miscommunication and there was no breakfast. Still feeling sleepy I decided just to go back to sleep and also decided not to go to class at 9.30 am. It was again the most amazing deep sleep I had until 10.30am. I got up feeling tremendously  good. Then I had my french toast and coffee, read the newspapers, had a bath, washed my hair and played scrabble. After lunch at 12.30 and prayers at 2pm, I went back to sleep. It was again the best of sleep. Got up at 4pm feeling so much at peace with the world around me. My body just wanted me to listen to it and gave it a total rest. Its amazing!

Reflections of my Umrah in Mekah,21stMarch-28thMarch 2009.

This has been my 8th umrah since 1987, and my 10th visit to Mekah for which I did my Haj in 1981 and 2003. This time round I found it very hard to be at peace with myself and had great difficulty focussing. I did all the rituals as though my heart was not in it. I am trying to think through why this was so.

Maybe age is a factor. At 72, I tend to get tired easily I guess but physically I was not tired, I could do all the tawafs after the early morning prayers. Its so different from the feelings I had when I did the Haj first time in 1981. The moment I arrived in Jeddah, everything was so overwhelming to me that I could feel my soul in every ritual that I did. We arrived at Mekah early dawn and with the mutawif who was waiting for us, my friend, Zaharah and I, did the tawaf, dawn prayer and sai' and we checked in at the our place of stay at the Tabung Haji Building. My heart was already in it and I remained very focussed in every aspect of the Haj Rituals. I could feel the same feelings in all my other visits.

Yet the overwhelming feeling was just not there in my recent umrah. I am feeling sad about it as though something went amiss.

I found Mekah has changed so much. There is massive renovation works on one side of the mosque and very tall apartment buildings and shopping Mall on the other side making the mosque looking rather insignificant. If one stands infront of the Abdul Aziz Door or Door 79, looking at one's right and left , one cannot help but feeling sad. 

The crowd is tremendous. Groups of pilgrims from the Middle East countries were everywhere. They all move in groups and would just push others aside if they are separated from their groups. Apparently most of them feared losing their way around and so they had to stick to their leaders. They seemed to be rushing around together all the time. These are mostly pilgrims from Turkey, Iran, Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt and the other countries in the region. I personally talked to  a few of them, and they said that it was their first time. These rush everywhere, while doing the tawafs or during prayer times is a bit uncomfortable. Why the rush? All the rituals that we did are  for Allah and they should be done in  a smooth fashion with all the discipline and respect for Allah. This is really puzzling to me. Is this the way to behave while paying homage to Him? Rushing and pushing fellow Muslims!

As with times I presume thats the reason telephones and cameras are allowed into the mosque. But I feel the sacredness of the mosque and the holiness in all the rituals that we do is being tampered with. I felt greatly disturbed while praying and listening to the recitations by the Imam when the phone belonging to the lady besides me kept on ringing! She could not answer the phone as she was following the prayer. I also feel my tawafs are affected when fellow muslims either talk on the handphones or clicking away taking photographs! The Tawaf is like a prayer, it has to be done in a serious sober manner with all our hearts and souls focussed as we know Allah is Watching us. It is like we are paying Him a homage and there should not be any distractions!

I was not at all satisfied with the organisation of the umrah for our group. The whole planning was weak. Our going to Medina first via a one night stop at Bahrain and travelling by bus to and from Medinah to Mekah was tiring us. In my previous umrahs we went to Mekah first and we travelled by air to and from Medinah and Mekah. We saved energy that way. The organisation was so poor , eating was always a hassle and group interection was nil. The leader was not a person of her words, she made promises which she did not keep and at the end of the trip she just apologised. Thats it. I pray Allah forgives her her short comings.

This is my fourth day of my return from the umrah and I am feeling still exhausted, physically and spiritually exhausted! I wonder if Allah Grants me another chance of an umrah which is better planned by a better travel agency. I pray for that chance Ya ALLAH.

Back from umrah

Arrived back from Umrah in Mekah on Sunday morning. Never before did I ever feel so exhausted! Could not get up, whole body aching. Want to have a closer look at the trip, why so tiring?

Anxiety over having to leave the comfort zone

Tomorrow morning I shall, God Willing, will venture out with my 2 sisters and a neice and nephew plus their family members, on a small pilgrimage called the Umrah in Mecca. Our journey will first take us to Bahrain because we are travelling by Gulf Air. We will stay overnight at Bahrain. Then from there we will proceed to Jeddah and then on to Medinah. After a few days only we will go to Mecca.

I have been on several umrahs before but cant help feeling anxious somehow. I know from experience travelling to that particular part of the world we never know what to expect. Its never been what we expect in a normal travel. Why this is so I dont know. The whole thing has not changed very much. I was in that part of the world in year 2003. There would be delays and hassles here and there, all man made! I would be really surprised if things have changed for the better.

Talking about venturing out, it always causes anxieties sort of. Ever since I came back from a month long stay in Aberdeen on the 9th of January 2009, I have lived a  very routinised life. I go to Quranic classes in the mornings and teach in the afternoons. This would  also be on Saturdays. I have also established my afternoon and evening routines. Before I teach I would have a short nap listening to the music I bought at Aviemoor in Scotland,  then I would attend to my emails. After that I would exercise on the treadmill for about 40 minutes before I do my yoga while watching my favourite drama on tv3. At night I would play scrabble or read or watch more dramas on television and end up reading the AL Quran before I sleep at midnight. I am beginning to love my routine life and its this interruption thats causing my anxcieties.

I am beginning to love my own company, just loving it to be by myself and loving doing what I do alone. Listening to the music becomes more serene. When I listen to the cds ,tazkirah by ustaz Kariman I could absorb more the essence of what he was saying. When I read the Quran late at night I could sense what beyond what the words are saying  and begin to understand deeper into the meanings of what Allah Means to Say. Alhamdulillah.  I just feel happy to be by myself.

I sincerely hope this umrah would give me a much deeper sense of peace, insyaalah.