Back from umrah

Arrived back from Umrah in Mekah on Sunday morning. Never before did I ever feel so exhausted! Could not get up, whole body aching. Want to have a closer look at the trip, why so tiring?

Anxiety over having to leave the comfort zone

Tomorrow morning I shall, God Willing, will venture out with my 2 sisters and a neice and nephew plus their family members, on a small pilgrimage called the Umrah in Mecca. Our journey will first take us to Bahrain because we are travelling by Gulf Air. We will stay overnight at Bahrain. Then from there we will proceed to Jeddah and then on to Medinah. After a few days only we will go to Mecca.

I have been on several umrahs before but cant help feeling anxious somehow. I know from experience travelling to that particular part of the world we never know what to expect. Its never been what we expect in a normal travel. Why this is so I dont know. The whole thing has not changed very much. I was in that part of the world in year 2003. There would be delays and hassles here and there, all man made! I would be really surprised if things have changed for the better.

Talking about venturing out, it always causes anxieties sort of. Ever since I came back from a month long stay in Aberdeen on the 9th of January 2009, I have lived a  very routinised life. I go to Quranic classes in the mornings and teach in the afternoons. This would  also be on Saturdays. I have also established my afternoon and evening routines. Before I teach I would have a short nap listening to the music I bought at Aviemoor in Scotland,  then I would attend to my emails. After that I would exercise on the treadmill for about 40 minutes before I do my yoga while watching my favourite drama on tv3. At night I would play scrabble or read or watch more dramas on television and end up reading the AL Quran before I sleep at midnight. I am beginning to love my routine life and its this interruption thats causing my anxcieties.

I am beginning to love my own company, just loving it to be by myself and loving doing what I do alone. Listening to the music becomes more serene. When I listen to the cds ,tazkirah by ustaz Kariman I could absorb more the essence of what he was saying. When I read the Quran late at night I could sense what beyond what the words are saying  and begin to understand deeper into the meanings of what Allah Means to Say. Alhamdulillah.  I just feel happy to be by myself.

I sincerely hope this umrah would give me a much deeper sense of peace, insyaalah.

A Day Of Blessing- 12.03.09

Whole morning I was waiting for a call from Yana, my grandaughter in Kolej Yayasan Saad in Melaka. Last night she said that she would try to get Kak Ayne's SPM results. By 10.30 I was already anxious and then... Ayne of all people called from Brighton! She gave us the best news of all times. Alhamdulillah, she got the results she dreamed of and prayed for. 9A1s!

It seems like only yesterday when she was 2 years old when I was looking after her in London. How she loved to hear stories read to her. What overwhelmed me was when she was 4+ years old, hen I bought her a book on Dinosiours  at an Oxfam shop, and within a few days she was remembering all the names of the animals, their characteristics and peculiarities!  Even today I marvelled at how she was so passionate about the animals. She would eat and sleep with the book.

Over the years she has become a close best friend. 

I hope by now Ayne, you are not so afraid to sleep in the dark anymore! Embah loves you Ayne. May Allah's Blessings Be with you.

Silence

For weeks now I have been more quiet than usual. I just dont feel like talking unless its very essential. I rather enjoy listening to what others are saying than doing the talking myself. Its not that I am unhappy or anything its just that I dont feel like talking. I hope its just a phase because since I have been the one always doing the talking, and now that I don't much, the place is all of a sudden so quiet. I sensed the quiet atmosphere and I rather enjoy it.

But my mind never stops thinking. About so many things! I sort of missed the active life I used to enjoy which I don't do anymore and sadly I realised that I may never get to do anymore. I used to play golf once or twice a week with lady friends or my husband. My lady friends and I used to play golf at the Glenmarie golf club on wednesday mornings. It was fun and I now missed those fun moments. I used to play 18 hole golf with my husband on Friday mornings and we would end up with lunch of mee curry at the cafe. It was sort of the hi light of the week for us. We stopped playing a year ago. I hurt my elbow then and we never got round to it anymore somehow. Thinking over such missing activities I cannot help but feel sad and I dont feel like talking about sad things somehow.

Oh how I love to travel to far away countries like the ones in the middle east. Now I feel I have enough of middle eastern countries, what with their indescribable public toilets. I dont wish to revisit those places. I don't fancy visiting European countries much  after hearing what they say about discrimination against ladies who cover their heads, the muslim ladies I mean. Being a muslim I have to cover my head, and if I have to subject myself to being discriminated I would rather avoid going there. I used to love visiting the United States of America, especially when my sons were studying there. I enjoyed staying in El Paso and Denver as well as Washington. But with the talk  on disrimination against Muslims, I feel afraid to visit those places. I just enjoy remembering my stay and experiences in the USA. It is  still one of the best places to visit.

Also travelling is such a hassle today. The seats in the planes are so crammed and its always so full, and the foods are so very lousy. My recent trip to Aberdeen on KLM was a case in point. The food served was simply unswallowable! Flights were better in the 70s, 80s and 90s but in the 21st century!!!! 

the passing of a friend, a colleague.

Bakri passed away this morning. With two friends I visited him on Tuesday (today is Thursday) and we sam him in pain. According to his wife Kamariah who was also a colleague, Bakri who has been known to be suffering from Gout, was diagnosed with malignant cancer on the 5th of January. 

He had been going to the doctors for gout treatment until in January Kamariah noticed he began to show signs of weaknesses in the use of his right arm until that 5th morning he was unable even to put in food into his mouth. He had to bring his mouth close to the plate in order for the hand to put food in his mouth. They suspected he was having a stroke. After checking up with his usual doctor he was declared clear. Then it was suggested that he should have a ct scan by a neurologist and the ct scan shows that his cancer has spread to his brain, lungs liver and spleen. And last Saturday the doctors told the family to take him home. He requested to be taken to his son's house at Bukit Jelutong.

He was a very bubly kind of a guy when he was alive. Never failed to say hello whenever we met and never missed to honk his car whenever we passed ech other on the road. An ardent golfer he had many close friends. 

Thats how life is. When your time comes it just happened. May ALLAH BLESS you, Bakri.

The passing of a friend, a colleage.